The High Reward of Change

I'm proud of my heritage and upbringing, just in case that has not been clear on our podcast but there were also things that I grew up with and believed as irrefutable truths that I had to make some decisions about later on in life. One of these was my very conservative view on issues of sexuality and sexual orientation. I can't really even say that it was talked about or preached about in church because, I reckon, it was so deeply understood as true. No one I knew would openly argue against the notion that being gay or lesbian was to live in sin. Then I went to college.

My first two degrees were in music. I was a singer and planning at that time to either sing at the Metropolitan Opera or be a high school choir director. I gave myself a pretty wide landing strip! Being a part of that Morehead State University music community was, of course, developing relationships with other aspiring musicians. One person I met and quickly formed a friendship bond with was Carson (not his real name). He was also a baritone and was hoping for similar outcomes in his musical future.

This is my shameful admission. I distinctly remember the day that I was talking with Carson about all the (insert homophobic terms here) in the department and my struggles with it. I remember him smiling kindly and offering understanding about how tough that must be for me. It was probably a year later that someone other than Carson told me that he was gay. 

I was emotionally gut punched as I had to stare directly at two horrible things. One was my shame for having even unknowingly bashed Carson to his face. The second was an even deeper and more terrifying struggle. Now I had to face the choice of either holding onto my homophobic views and perhaps having to give up my dear friend or look more honestly at my personal fears and biases. That path led to challenging a belief despite what some Biblical statements strongly implied. From there it was a mere hop and a skip into the idea that the Bible was not an inerrant resource of factual truths. Yikes! 

Some have disagreed with my decision, but I am happy to say that I, for want of a better way of saying it, chose the path of love and acceptance. I no longer believe in the literal inerrancy of scripture or that being a member of the LGBT community is inherently sinful. Carson and I remain good friends to this day as I am no longer in bondage to prejudice and judgementalism on the subject of sexual orientation. And in this moment, I am reflecting on what a huge impact that change of beliefs made in my life and how so many things would have been different (and not for the better) had I chosen otherwise.