You Gotta Be Tough!

I'm mostly happy to be a product of my generation. The mid 20th century was a time of enormous energy and the genesis season of some transformations that are reshaping the world still today. But there were also parts of the cultural norm playbook of the time that troubled me then and now. One of those was the notion of what constituted toughness. Some of those markers of being tough included being stoic in the face of pain, holding back the tears, suffering in silence, and never, ever complain. "Bow up." Buck up." "Wipe those teras." "Rub some dirt on it." "You gotta be tough." And if you fell short of these expectations, you were labeled by your peers and even your family/friends as weak but with a much more pejorative list of adjectives. 

Fast forward to our current time and this same kid now being an older adult and facing the inevitable grim diagnosis. I remember as if it were yesterday being diagnosed with leukemia in 2019. I was 62. I remember the doctor's face when he told me. I remember watching my wife as I told her and seeing her kick into caring-for-Raleigh mode. I remember us crying together. I remember the conversations with other family and friends and the love and support that I felt. My pain and fears were not only welcomed for discussion but encouraged. And yes, even though I have lived with this disease successfully for now 7 years, I am certain that, especially those early days, would have been much more difficult had I not been given permission to not be "tough".