Is it better to give or receive?

All my life I’ve heard that it’s better to give than receive.  But to be honest, there have been times along the way when I wondered if that was really true.  I mean, I’ve surely wanted it to be true.  For goodness' sake, the quote is attributed to Jesus.  Not a bad source of wisdom, if you ask me.  But still, I struggle.

Truth is, I’ve received some pretty cool things along the way.  Things that have made me pretty happy.  Let me give you an example.  I was the first person in my family to go to college.  My parents were hard-working blue-collar folks but struggled to make ends meet.  That meant, if I was going to college, financially I was on my own.  Somehow, I made it through college and graduate school with a small and manageable amount of debt.  But we were always close to the edge.  Always.  My wife and two kids paid dearly living with a husband/father who seemed to be a perennial student. At some point, we traveled from Kentucky back to our hometown of Oklahoma City for Christmas. When we pulled up to my parent’s house, cars were everywhere.  My two brothers and one sister and their families were already there.  Sitting in the driveway was a restored 1978 Super Beetle Volkswagen convertible. The color was called champagne (think root beer) with a white top.  I loved Volkswagen convertibles and wondered what rat had stolen my dream car.  Turns out, it was a gift to me from my parents.  Having been unable to help years earlier, they gifted me the car that I loved and had longed for.  It was snowing that December day in Oklahoma City, but I dropped the top and took my wife and our two young children on a ride through the neighborhood.  Great fun! That day, I am pretty sure I thought receiving was better than giving.

But years later while talking to my mother after my dad had passed away, she told me that the day they gifted me the car was one of the best days of their lives. Maybe she and dad got more out of giving the gift than I did receiving it.  

All the research is clear.  Science, psychology and most religious traditions agree.  Giving is better than receiving. There are many measurable indicators that support this claim. People report that when they give, they feel better overall. Science shows that those who give experience increased dopamine levels and higher levels of personal satisfaction.  Science also shows that generosity is linked to many health benefits.  Some of these include lower blood pressure, less stress, improved sleep, improved relationships and enhanced sense of purpose in life. 

When we are able to make giving a practice, it can promote a sense of abundance, rather than a feeling of scarcity.  Learning to give promotes community, and we all long for stronger communities.

Receiving allows others the opportunity to give, so maybe a healthy balance is the best approach.

In our podcast “The Business of Hope” our guest Todd Heifner  (CEO of Hope Manifest) leads us in a discussion of philanthropic giving and how he has seen the practice of giving impact lives.  Give it a listen.